So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
