Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
