is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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