what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
