You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
