i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
