all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
