Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
