it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
