I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
