maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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