They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
