I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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