mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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