My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
