1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
