Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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