I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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