fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
