By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
