Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
