as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
