it hurts more in the daytime
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
