A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
