I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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