and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
