I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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