NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
