He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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