How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
