This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
