How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
