I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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