Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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