every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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