Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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