My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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