Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
