Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
