I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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