mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
