I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
