i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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