I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How does it feel to date your dad?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I forget how to act sober
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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