dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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