he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
