Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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