Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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