her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
