i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
