Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
