this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
