trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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