Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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