I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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