Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
