I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
