The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
