i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
