is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
