I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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