I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
