there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
