i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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