forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
