the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
