She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
