my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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