One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
