Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Alive.
So much puke
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
