remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Randomize
