please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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