Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
