I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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