i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
