Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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