the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
