k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This baby is an asshole
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
