please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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