they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
