Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
