I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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