I accidentally burped into my bong.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
