So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
