did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize