I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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